I'm Pregnant, Where Do I Start?

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, you may be ready to begin exploring your options. The good news is that there are many roads to choose from ahead of you, and have some time to decide on the best choice for you and your baby. You may have considered adoption, but just don't know where to start or what adoption is like. You may be afraid of what other people are going to think of you, or you may have heard conflicting information about adoption. Like almost everyone, you may be afraid of the act of giving birth. Pregnancy brings with it many physical and emotional changes and when you are not sure of your decision, these changes can be even more overwhelming, and far from welcome. We understand what a crazy time this is to make a big decision, so, where do you start?

Common Questions

• Who can I talk to about adoption or parenting?
• Do I have to have my mind made up before talking to an adoption professional?
• How do I decide if adoption is right for me and my baby?
• Are people right when they say choosing adoption is selfish of me? How should I respond?
• Will the race of my baby affect the adoption plan?
• Will I regret choosing adoption?
• How does American Adoptions screen the family who will adopt my baby?
• What are the different types of adoption?
• How do I start the adoption process?

Answers

Who can I talk to about adoption or parenting?

It is best to talk with a knowledgeable adoption professional who understands how adoption works and can explain the process to you correctly and help you explore your options. It can also be helpful to speak with a woman who has faced an unplanned pregnancy who can understand what you are feeling and tell you about her experience. Read Michelle's Story. If you want to talk with an Adoption Specialist or a birth mother, you can call the American Adoptions helpline whenever it is convenient for you at (800) ADOPTION (236-7846) or contact us online.

Do I have to have my mind made up before talking to an adoption professional?

No, you do not have to make up your mind before speaking with a counselor or adoption professional – that’s what they’re there for! It is actually best to talk with someone prior to and throughout your decision-making process so you can gather information about all of your options in order to make the best decision for you and your baby. Exploring adoption is a personal process that varies from one individual to the next, and there is no set time in which you have to make your decision. At American Adoptions, our Adoption Specialists are very skilled at listening to what you need and helping you objectively explore adoption. Making that first contact with an Adoption Specialist can be scary, but find comfort knowing that when you contact American Adoptions it is confidential and there are no obligations should you decide that you do not want to choose adoption. It is also important to understand that adoption counseling is free so it is beneficial to explore the option of adoption.

Adoption professionals should help you:

• Explore parenting and adoption options with you to help you make the best decision for you and your baby.
• Learn about parenting resources that are available to you such as Medicaid, food stamps, etc.
• Explore family support and friend support for parenting and adoption.
• Understand the details of the adoption process.
• Develop an adoption plan that fits your needs by exploring all your options with you.
• Select an adoptive family and decide what type of contact you would like to have.
• Get to know the family you have selected.
• Help you find ways to talk with family members and friends who either do not understand your adoption decision or who do not support your adoption decision.
• They generally should be your guide and support system during your pregnancy.

How do I decide if adoption is right for me and my baby?

The decision to parent or choose adoption is often a very difficult one. It is a decision that most likely will not look black and white for you as there will likely be positives and negatives to both options. This is why you should feel encouraged to explore all of your options thoroughly. Many women find it helpful to list their reasons for considering adoption along with pros and cons to adoption and parenting. A good social worker/adoption professional can help you see all sides and point out possible options that you may not be aware of. Whether you choose adoption or parenting, it is decision that should be made with great care and talking it through with people who understand what you are facing can prove very helpful.

Are people right when they say that this is selfish of me? How should I respond when they say something like that?

Choosing adoption for your child is the most loving and unselfish decision that you can make. When someone states that adoption is a selfish choice, they are someone who does not understand the sheer magnitude of what a woman sacrifices when she chooses adoption. Adoption reflects positively on everyone involved. Your child will be able to have all the opportunities and experiences that you want for him or her but are not able to provide right now. Your situation and circumstances may make it too difficult for you to raise a child, but adoption allows you to make sure your child receives the type of life you want your child to have. There are other families out there who are unable to have children, but are ready to raise a child and want nothing more than to become parents. The act of giving two people who could not otherwise experience the joy of parenthood the opportunity to be parents is another way that adoption is not a selfish act. It is important for you to surround yourself with people who are supportive of you and of adoption. Letting people know the reasons you are choosing adoption is a way to help others have more knowledge about adoption and how truly special it is to everyone involved. Adoption is your decision and therefore you are the only one who can make the decision. Nobody else can make this decision for you so you may also choose not to talk about it with people who cannot understand or choose not to understand what you are doing. Have pride in knowing it takes a very strong person to recognize that adoption may be the best option for their child. It is important to understand that most people do not understand adoption. When people don't understand something, they can be very wrong and hurtful in their judgment. It is effective to share with these individuals that you will involve them in your parenting/adoption decision only if they are open and supportive to what is best for you and your baby.

Will the race of my baby affect the adoption plan?

Many women are fearful there may not be a family who wants to adopt their baby. Be assured that the race of your child does not matter and there is a family for every baby. The adoption process is the same for everyone and you can get assistance in finding a family who is looking forward to adopting your baby.

Will I regret choosing adoption?

There are many emotions that come into play with adoption. Regret is an unpredictable emotion. For example, you may regret that you are not able to offer everything you want for your child. You may regret that you became pregnant and are in a place in life that you have to make this decision. Most women who choose adoption have good days and bad days. Most women will have some regrets and every woman will experience doubt as she chooses adoption. In general, most people doubt decisions they make in their everyday life, so how can a woman not expect to feel some doubts about choosing adoption? However, if you work with adoption professionals who help you through the process, help you work through your emotions of grief and loss, help you create an adoption plan where you are in control, then you will be able to gain acceptance of your decision to provide your child a better life through adoption.

“I was scared that I might regret my decision later on when my daughter became older and when I was more financially stable and could have been able to raise her. However, seeing how happy she is with her adoptive family makes me feel good about my decision and I would never want to take all the wonderful experiences that she has had away from her. I could not give her everything that she deserved and everything that I had always dreamed for my children to have. Now she has all of that and I know that it is because of my brave decision that those opportunities are possible for her.” -Birth mother, Autumn, 22

How does American Adoptions screen the families who want to adopt my baby?

American Adoptions is different from many adoption agencies in that we accept only the best adoptive family candidates. We receive hundreds of adoptive family inquiries each month, but do not accept into our adoption program every family that contacts us. American Adoptions has every family complete an extensive process that includes background clearances, physicals, references, an inspection of their home, financial information, discussion of their beliefs about adoption and more, so we can gather information about their true character and ability to parent your child.

This screening process is extremely important to American Adoptions, especially to our Executive Director, Scott Mars, who is adopted. He wants to be absolutely certain that you choose from the best families possible. We work with numerous families throughout the United States who have various careers, beliefs, backgrounds, hobbies and interests. With American Adoptions, you can select from the widest variety of adoptive families available.

For example, if future religious beliefs of your child are important to you and you want a Christian family, we will find the best Christian families for you. Another example might be if you want the adoptive parents to be young and active, we will find you the best quality screened families who are young and active for you to choose from. American Adoptions is committed to helping you find the perfect family for you and your baby.

What Are the Different Types of Adoption?

1. Open Adoption (approximately 5-10 percent of adoptions): An Open Adoption is an adoption where some or all identifying information such as full names, addresses, and telephone numbers are exchanged between the adoptive family and the birth parents. An Open Adoption usually means that both parties will communicate directly with one another and usually means that both parties are open to some forms of future contact with each other in addition to exchanges of information through the agency. Remember adoption is a human interaction, meaning the amount of openness may increase naturally once birth parents and adoptive parents get to know each other and more natural and caring relationships are formed. There are many factors everyone should explore before committing to an Open Adoption so everyone is aware of all pros and cons. Open Adoption is not for everyone because there is a great amount of commitment involved from both parties to ensure the best interest of the child is met. While this type of adoption does not occur with great frequency, when it does occur it can be a very positive experience if everyone is on the same page.
2. Semi-Open Adoption (85-90 percent of adoptions): Semi-Open adoption is the most popular type of adoption chosen by birth parents and adoptive families alike. In Semi-Open Adoption, there usually is limited or no identifying information exchanged between the adoptive family and the birth parents. First names and state of residence are exchanged, but last names, phone numbers and addresses are usually kept confidential. Just as with Open Adoptions, Semi-Open Adoptions can evolve depending on comfort levels of both parties. Semi-Open Adoption is designed to provide a secure, stable way for both families to get to know and trust each other. In Semi-Open Adoptions, the following most often occur: conference calls and/or e-mails during the pregnancy, meeting at the hospital at time of birth, and pictures and letters exchanged through the agency for up to 18 years. Semi-Open Adoptions can also sometimes include pre-placement visits during the pregnancy where the adoptive family travels to the birth parent's state to meet and phone calls and/or e-mails directly after placement has occurred.
3. Closed Adoption (Less than 5 percent of adoptions) - While closed adoptions occur periodically, they do not occur as frequently as the other two types of adoption. This does not necessarily mean that this is a bad option to choose, it just means that it is not as popular with most birth parents. Typically birth mothers who select Closed Adoptions are not interested in meeting the adoptive family and may not want information about the child. A woman who wants a closed adoption can still select the family she wants to raise her baby or she can ask her Adoption Specialist to select the family for her.

How do I start the adoption process?

The best way to start the adoption process is to call and speak privately with an Adoption Specialist. You can call American Adoptions anytime when it is most convenient for you and the Specialist will gladly talk with you about your situation and answer any questions you may be having. You do not have to choose adoption to call and talk to someone at American Adoptions. There is no time limit to when you have to make up your mind about your decision. Simply call (800) ADOPTION (236-7846) or contact us online for more information about the process. For a step-by-step guide of how the adoption process works from start to finish make sure you check out our online guide.