I Gave My Baby Up for Adoption, Now What? [Moving Forward]

“I put my baby up for adoption; what do I do now?”

This is among one of the most common questions we hear from birth parents after their baby has been placed with their adoptive family. The answer to this question will depend on your unique adoption situation.

Contact your adoption specialist today at 1-800-ADOPTION to get the guidance you need on your post-adoption journey.

Whether it's been 24 hours or a year since you “gave your child up” for adoption, the adoption process is never truly over. It’s a lifelong journey that you, your child and their adoptive family can navigate together. In this article you will get an overview of what you can expect on the first day, week, month and year following the adoption.

What Happens After I “Gave My Baby Up” for Adoption?

The days following the adoption can leave you feeling like you’re stuck in limbo. The adoption has happened and you’re able to move forward with your life. But what does post-adoption life look like?

The First 24 Hours After Adoption

Coming home from the hospital without the baby you carried for nine months can be a shock to your system. It leaves many women thinking, “I gave my child up for adoption. What do I do now?”

Some birth parents struggle with intense feelings of grief immediately following the adoption. Even if you know that adoption is what’s best for you and your baby, the separation can be a lot to cope with at first. If you parented your child for a period of time before placing them for adoption, these feelings can be even more amplified. You might feel like you have lost a piece of your identity.

While these emotions may feel unbearable at first, it’s important that you allow yourself to feel them and process them. You should never put any expectations on yourself to feel a certain way. You may be overcome with grief, relief or somewhere in the middle. Everyone’s emotional experience is different. That’s why it's important that you have a strong support system. Whether that be friends, family or a partner, don’t hesitate to reach out if you need a shoulder to lean on.

Don’t let the fear of your emotions stand between you and feeling confident in your decision. These difficult emotions will dull over time. You made this decision for a reason, and that reason will get you through. You did what was best for you and your baby.

The First Week after Adoption

The first week after placing your baby for adoption can be a difficult time. This should be a time of rest and recovery, both physically and mentally.

The emotions of the adoption are still fresh in your mind. In the days following the adoption, don’t be afraid to reach out to your support system. Whether that is a significant other, family member or friend, or your adoption specialist, having someone to lean on during this time is invaluable.

It’s also encouraged to reach to an adoption counselor during this time if you need guidance and support. They can provide a safe space for you to talk through the emotions you’re experiencing and give you tips for coping with the separation.

The First Month after Adoption

“I gave up my child for adoption a month ago and I’m still struggling.”

You’re not alone in this feeling. It’s completely normal to be dealing with complex emotion during the first month after adoption. You may begin to cycle through the stages of grief at this time.

Placing your baby for adoption is an emotionally intensive process, and you are valid in the feelings you’re experiencing during the months that follow.

You may experience a range of emotions, such as:

• sadness

• happiness

• jealousy

• fear

• relief

• guilt

• and even bargaining with yourself

And that’s Ok. There is no right or wrong way to feel in the month after adoption. Some birth mothers reach out to the adoptive family at this time for closure. Others take a step back. This will always be up to you and what’ you’re comfortable with.

Be patient and gentle with yourself during this time. Remember why you made this decision in the first place. You gave your child an amazing life with a loving family, and you gave that family a child they may not have been able to have without you. You are the hero in your child’s story.

The First Year after Adoption

The first year after adoption will be full of emotional peaks and valleys. You may have cycled through the grieving process many times already, and that’s perfectly normal.

“It’s been a year since I gave my baby up for adoption, what do I do now?”

 You may have started slowly returning to the routine you had before your unplanned pregnancy, such as returning to work or getting back into old hobbies. Sometimes this can help instill a sense of emotional normalcy. But if you still need more time before returning to life as “normal,” you can take as much time as you need.

There will be a lot of “firsts” during this time, from the first holiday season to your first Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, to your baby’s first birthday. You may need to allow yourself some extra space during these times if being in contact with your child’s adoptive family is too much. Just be sure to communicate these needs to the family. If you don’t feel comfortable doing so, your adoption professional can reach out to them for you.

Healing isn’t linear. Everyone processes the emotions in the first year after adoption differently and at varying paces. If you need additional support, your adoption specialist will always be there for you.

Adoption is Lifelong

Whether it’s been a day, month, year or 10 years after the adoption, the adoption process is never really finished. While the adoption itself has been finalized and the logistics are done, the effects of the adoption will always be there.

There will be many good days where you can really feel and see the benefits of adoption. And there may be some days that you struggle with feelings of loss or grief.

Through open adoption, you will be able to see your child grow and thrive as a result of your adoption decision. You will get to know your child as they get older and over time, you may even become part of the family. No matter how much time passes, at the end of the day, you made the choice that you knew was best for you and your baby.

Where to Go from Here

There is no right or wrong way for birth mothers who gave their child up for adoption to process the emotions of adoption. Post-adoption life will look different for everyone. Some birth parents need more post-adoption support than others, and that’s ok. To get additional guidance or support, don’t hesitate to reach out to our adoption specialists at 1-800-ADOPTION. They’re here for you whenever you need them.

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