Celebrating Birth Mothers Day after Adoption
As May approaches, many families gear up to celebrate Mother’s Day with the special women in their lives. All over the world, you can find families spending time together with brunch, flowers, and gifts. It’s a day to express gratitude for all the love and support our mothers have given us over the years. But what about the birth mothers who place their children for adoption?
That’s where this guide comes in. Here, we’re going to share everything you need to know about this special occasion, including when is Birth Mother’s Day, what it’s about, and how it started. If you’re looking for ways that you can celebrate this special day, don’t forget that you can reach out to an adoption specialist to learn more.
In the meantime, below is everything you need to know.
What is Birth Mother’s Day?
National Birth Mother’s Day is a holiday dedicated to celebrating and honoring women who have placed their children for adoption. It originally began in 1990 and was founded by Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh and a group of birth mothers like her. They chose to hold this holiday annually the Saturday before Mother’s Day in an effort to show solidarity with other birth mothers who may be struggling during this time.
For women who have largely been ignored or forgotten during the busy Mother’s Day celebrations, this was, and still is, a huge step. For many women who have placed their child for adoption, the weekend of Mother’s Day can create feelings of heartache. Having a day that’s focused entirely on them can help alleviate some of the stress of their next weekend.
If you’re an adoptive parent, then you likely already understand how important it is to recognize the courageous decision your child’s birth mother made. After all, it brought your child to you. No matter what your relationship with your child’s biological mother is now, you can always take time out of your day to reflect on how grateful you are for her choice.
How Can I Celebrate National Birth Mom Day?
There are tons of ways that you can celebrate this special day. It all depends on your level of comfort and your relationship with other members of the adoption triad. For example, you might have an open relationship with your child’s adoptive family, so you might end up spending the day together. Like Caitlin, a birth mother, your child’s adoptive family has become like your extended family:
“I was never sad about what had happened or anything like that — just that I wasn’t going to be able to hold him and see him,” Caitlin says. “They became my family.”
In other cases, you might not be able to spend the day together and decide to do something on your own instead. No matter what you decide to do, this is your day to celebrate the incredible decision you made to give someone else the opportunity to be parents.
- Share a phone or video call: Even if you don’t live close by, you can still stay in contact with one another. Set aside some time together to share a quick phone call or make it a bit longer with a video call.
- Look at what other birth mothers have written: No matter how you’re feeling today, you’re never alone. It might help to take some time today to look at Birth Mother’s Day quotes and Birth Mother Day poems. It might even inspire you to write your own and share it with others if you feel comfortable.
- Spend the day with loved ones: You don’t need to spend Birth Parents’ Day alone. Plan a day out with some of your favorite people doing all the things you love. You might decide to go see a movie, go out for dinner or out shopping at your favorite stores. Your friends and family should be up for what you want to do.
What Birth Moms Think of Birth Mother’s Day
Every birth mother has a unique relationship with her adoption story. There are some women who look forward to celebrating Birth Mother’s Day and Mother’s Day with the adoptive parents, their child and their own family and friends. If they have an open adoption, they might even celebrate it in person.
For other women, it’s the exact opposite. Thoughts of Birth Mom Day and any relation to it can quickly bring back feelings of grief, anger, loneliness and loss. If they chose a closed adoption, they might have already found ways to try to distance themselves from anything that would remind them of their decision. Instead of celebrating with family and friends or finding other ways to commemorate the holiday, they might spend the day focusing on taking care of themselves.
If you are a birth mother, how you choose to spend this day is entirely up to you. The most important thing to remember is that you should always be celebrated, whether you are with your child or not. Choosing adoption doesn’t mean that you’re any less of a mother. In fact, women who choose to place their child for adoption have done the bravest thing any mother can — give their child a better life even if they’re not at the forefront of it.
If you an adoptive parent, there are plenty of ways that you can recognize your child’s biological mother on National Birth Mother’s Day. You can’t go wrong with a video call, a visit (if you have an open adoption) a homemade card with the help of your child, a gift basket with her favorite things or even just a phone call. If you have closed adoption, you can still find indirect ways to express your gratitude to the birth mother. You might consider:
- Planting a tree or flower in her honor
- Revisiting your child’s adoption story
- Saying a special prayer
- Giving back to local charities
- Educating other adoptive parents starting their journey
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There are plenty of ways to make Birth Mother’s Day special. Whether it’s just saying or hearing, “Happy Birth Mother’s Day!” or planning a special event, it will mean the world to your child’s birth mother to know that you care.
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