Life for Birth Parents After Adoption [A New Chapter]

Throughout the adoption process, you had your adoption specialist and personalized adoption plan guiding you on your journey. But what do birth parents do after adoption?

You had likely dedicated several weeks or months of your life to make sure you were placing your baby with an amazing family. So, what happens when you return home from the hospital?

There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. Post-adoption life can be whatever you want it to be. Every birth parent moves forward in their own unique way.

You may be experiencing a lot of different emotions at this time: grief, joy, relief, loss and everything in between. This is an unprecedented time in your life, and it's easy to feel a little lost as you try to get your bearings. In this article, you can get some insight into some of what you can expect from post-adoption life.

Remember, your adoption specialist is always here for you, even after the adoption process. Whether it’s been one week or ten years, you can always call 1-800-ADOPTION to get support.  

Life After ‘Giving a Baby Up’ For Adoption

While adoption is a wonderful way to give your baby the best life possible, it’s also an opportunity for a fresh start or to resume your life as you knew it before the unplanned pregnancy. How you want to move forward with your life will be completely up to you.

Pursuing Life Goals

You may have chosen adoption because you had plans that would need to be put on hold if you were to keep your baby. Or maybe you do want kids someday, but you’re not ready to parent right now.

• If you’re a teenager who just placed your baby for adoption, you will be able to finish high school without the added responsibility of raising a child. This is a point in your life where you’re still figuring out your own self-identity, and now you’re free to focus on doing so.

• If you’re pursuing a college education, you will be able to focus on your classes and prepare for your future career. You won’t have to worry about the potential financial strain of paying college expenses while also providing for a child. When placing your baby for adoption through American Adoptions, you can even apply for our birth parent scholarship.

• If you’re someone who has a time-consuming job or someone who enjoys devoting a lot of time to their career, you can focus on making your career dreams come true. You won’t have to worry about having to take time away from work or worry about not being home enough to care for your child.

• If you have other young children, you can focus on caring for them and ensuring their needs are met. If you have older children that you have already raised, you might be ready to retire and enjoy a life of leisure.

• You now have more time and energy to enter the dating world, or focus on your current relationship if you already have a partner.

One birth mother who worked with American Adoptions to give her baby a better life was able to continue her education.

“I knew my life did not stop after adoption,” Julia says. “It gave me a second chance to pursue my goals and dreams so that I can be a better version of myself and help people along the way. I wanted to show my daughter that I didn’t give up on myself and, more importantly, her.”

A Fresh Start

One reason some birth parents choose adoption for their child is because their home environment is not ideal and they want their child to grow up in a healthy and stable household.

• Maybe you placed your baby for adoption because you were in a toxic or unstable relationship. Now that you know your baby is safe with their adoptive family, you can focus on getting out of your current situation so that you can get the fresh start you deserve.

• If you were struggling with drug addiction or other substance use, you can now take this time to get the help you need.

• If you are struggling with mental or physical health issues, you can take this time to take care of yourself. You will also be able to devote more finances towards helpful resources and services.

Resume Your Life as “Normal”

You don’t have to be pursuing a life-changing goal to choose adoption. You have the chance to resume your everyday life after giving up your baby for adoption. Maybe you just didn’t want to or feel ready to parent or you already have children that you’re raising.

• If you had to take time off from your job during your pregnancy, you will be able to return to work when you’re ready to do so.

• If you already have kids, you will be able to devote yourself to raising the family you have and being the best parent you can be.

• If you travel often or have an otherwise busy, active lifestyle, you will be able to continue doing the things you enjoy while knowing your child is safe and loved in their home.

One birth mom was able to do exactly that.

“There are still emotions that I feel. But it’s never regret. It’s never sadness. I know this is the best decision to make for me and I’m really happy with the way everything’s turned out,” says Collen. “Life for me now is pretty great. I work, I travel a lot. I get to see Chris and Lexie and their son and baby Tess at least once a month. We all get together. I’m so grateful that I get to watch Tess grow and this amazing family.”

Emotions Of Birth Parents After Adoption

Life after giving a baby up for adoption can be emotionally complicated. Once you have returned home after your baby has been placed with their new adoptive family, you may experience a whirlwind of emotions. The first 24 hours after the adoption has been finalized are often the most difficult for some birth parents.

You might be feeling happy and relieved knowing that your child is with a family who will give them an amazing life, while also feeling sadness over returning home without your baby.

Many birth parents experience feelings of grief and loss as a result of the separation. Even if you know in your heart that adoption is what was best for you and your baby, these emotions are valid.

There are constructive ways you can cope with these emotions:

• 24/7 counseling. American Adoptions counselors are available 24/7 to listen and talk you through the difficult emotions you may be experiencing.

• Lean on your support system. If you were fortunate enough to have a support system behind you as you went through the adoption process, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family or a partner after the adoption.

Open Adoption and the Birth Family After Adoption

Placing your baby for adoption doesn’t have to mean goodbye forever. Most adoptions today are open adoptions, which allows the adoptive family to stay in contact with the birth parents after adoption. This contact could be in the form of:

• Texts and phone calls

• Emails

• Photos

• Video chats

• In-person visits

• And more

Being able to stay in touch with your child can help ease the pain of the separation and give you peace of mind that they are happy and healthy. Your child will never have to wonder about where they came from and will have the opportunity to understand their adoption story.

Cole, an adoptee who was placed with his adoptive says he feels special because of his adoption story.

“If we’re all beads I feel like a golden bead among the blue beads.”

The post-adoption experience isn’t always linear. You may be able to get back to your life with no issue, or you may have to go through some emotional ups and downs. If you have questions about what happens to the biological parents after adoption and the emotions you may experience, call 1-800-ADOPTION today to get the answers you need.

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