Adoptee Meaning

Coping with Being an Adoptee 

Many adoptees first learn about their adoption story and immediately begin to deal with negative emotions.  

The thought of a biological parent not wanting them, societal rejection and feelings of not fitting in are all common for adoptees. 

Like John, adoptees eventually address the question, “What does it mean to be adopted?” and have a better understanding of their story, their place in the world and why their birth parents chose adoption. 

“Between the ages of 8 and 10, I realized that Judy and Travis, my birth parents, must have really cared about me. To this day, I can only imagine how hard it must be to give up your child, your own flesh and blood, without knowing if you will ever see him or her again. Over the years, Judy and I have written letters back and forth. The letters helped me to understand that she cared, and still cares, a lot about me.” 

By having an open adoption, adoptees like John often understand the adoptee meaning better because they can maintain a connection with their biological parents. 

Anymore, closed adoptions aren’t nearly as common and birth parents and adoptees communicate in various ways, such as: 

The ability to have at least some level of connection with a birth parent gives adoptees answers to their questions about why they were placed for adoption.  

But what about adoptees in a closed adoption? 

Most states have strict laws for obtaining birth records, making it difficult for adoptees to find out where they came from and who their biological parents are. The lack of access to birth records can make it difficult for adoptees to emotionally understand their adoption story. 

Director of Social Work at American Adoptions and an adoptee, Jennifer Van Gundy, grew up in a closed adoption and spent many years asking questions about her origin. 

“My parents have always made me feel special because I was adopted, but I do admit that I had a lot of questions growing up. From a medical standpoint, my health history ended when I was born. I didn’t have anything else beyond that for most of my life.  Like all adoptees, I had questions about my birth parents and feelings of shame over not being wanted, especially because I had no information about my birth mother’s adoption decision.” 

Because of a change in state laws, Jennifer could obtain her birth records and identify her biological mother. 

“My birth mother said she was shocked when I first reached out, especially because it was unexpected in her closed adoption,” Jennifer said. “For most of my life, I had wondered about my birth mother. Was she okay? Did she have a healthy adoption process? I got the answers to these questions and those about my personal health history, and we’re tentatively getting to know each other better through our new contact.” 

The experience of meeting the woman who gave birth to you for the first time as an adult is unlike nearly any other experience. That’s why the emotions associated with being an adoptee, and how an adoptee is faced with the complex task of forming an identity while missing vital pieces of information, are why most non-adopted people often don’t understand the true meaning of an adopted child. 

It takes adoptees years of answering questions, hopefully finding answers and reconciling their birth history to understand the adoptee meaning, which is why adoptive parents play such a crucial role.