1. “I could never give up my child.”
Adopted children are not “given up,” they are placed with adoptive families in an act of unending love from their birth parents.
A birth mother may not have a safe environment to raise a child, or she may not be financially able to provide for her child in the way she would like. Whatever her reasoning, it is a decision that takes strength and courage. Unless you’ve been in her shoes, keep your judgements to yourself.
2. “Will you love a child that isn’t yours?”
Biology is the least of what makes someone a parent. Love is what makes someone a parent.
Once you adopt a child, he or she will be your own in every way. There is no distinguishing between the love of a biological parent and an adoptive parent, both are fierce and unending. To suggest that an adoptive parent’s love will be anything less is simply rude.
3. “What if the child has issues?”
This question is completely insensitive and downright hurtful.
It is wrong to assume that adopted children will be ill or cause problems. And the truth of the matter is that any child (biological or adopted) can face any number of issues in their life. Should the child have any sort of health issue, that will be for the parents to handle in their own way, just as you would handle your child’s illness.
4. “OMG it is taking forever!”
Waiting adoptive parents don’t need a reminder of how long they process is taking. If the process seems long to you, it seems 1,000 times longer to an adoptive parent.
Adoptive families have no control over the process, and they especially have no control over how long they wait. Most adoptive families will do anything to take their mind off of the waiting and the last thing they need is for you to bring it up.
5. “Why can’t you have your own baby?”
There are many reasons for choosing adoption and infertility is only one of those reasons. In fact, adoption may be the first choice for some couples.
Not only is it insensitive to assume a couple is having fertility issues, but for those experiencing it, infertility is generally a very sensitive topic. Adoption is not a consolation prize. Not to mention the implication of the phrase “your own.”
6. “Why don’t you just adopt from ~insert country here~”
International adoption isn’t for everyone. Maybe it’s due to finances, maybe it’s a personal preference. Either way, it’s not your place to question their choices.
