Q & A with Laurie
Hello everyone, my name is Laurie Walker, and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have worked with many birth mothers and adoptive families in my time here at American Adoptions and love being able to watch families form through adoption.
Q. I read that in a semi-open adoption, the agency will honor our request to keep our names confidential from the birth parents if we want, but will we know the birth parents’ last names?
A. You are correct. The agency will keep your names confidential if that is your wish, but we also recommend being as open and trusting with the birth mother as possible and encourage families to share that information if they feel comfortable doing so. We cannot guarantee that hospital staff will do the same, though the agency does advise them of the adoptive family’s wish in that matter. Additionally, some adoptions require the birth mother to sign her adoption consent directly to the adoptive couple; often, the family’s last name must be on the legal document she is signing.
Many adoptive families are surprised by how much they come to care for and trust in the birth parents once they have an adoption opportunity and are able to see just who their child’s birth parents are. Your Adoptive Family Specialist will talk to you more about the pros of being as open as possible, but as mentioned, we will honor your wishes if you choose not to disclose this type of information to the birth parents.
In many situations, the adoptive family does learn the birth mother’s last name. This may happen in the hospital while visiting with the birth mother. Her last name is usually on items such as her hospital band and the baby’s hospital band. It may also be on the legal documents that the adoptive family signs. For example, if the birth mother’s name is Jane Smith, the legal documents the family signs might refer to the baby as Baby Girl Smith.
Most birth mothers wouldn’t even consider keeping their own names confidential. They trust the adoptive family they choose to care for the baby, so it seems silly to most birth mothers to not trust the family with their own last names. Most often, the adoptive family does not learn the birth father’s last name, unless it’s shared by the birth parents or the birth mother chooses to provide the baby with his last name.
