My husband has a strict type-A personality. His days must be mapped out and to-do lists crossed off appropriately. He manages every bit of his time and resources based on what makes sense, his abilities to achieve his tasks, and how prepared he is for the future. On the other hand, I possess a much more easy-going disposition and do not require my schedule to be rigidly planned out.
When we were dating, my husband and I had several discussions about the desires we each had for our future family. Where we would live, what jobs we hoped for, and how many children we wished to have were always part of the dialogue. Early on, I made it clear to my husband that I had always felt called to adoption. He, too, expressed his attraction to the idea of bringing a child into his home through adoption. Like anyone with a type-A personality would do, he began to map out a plan for our future family and the steps we would take to make our plan a reality. Because my plans usually begin with “whatever happens, happens,” I felt inclined to hear his proposition.
The proposed plan would commence with our marriage. Once we had been married for four or five years, we would have our first biological child. Next, we would wait another four or five years to have our second biological child. Once both of these children were in school, and we had been able to save up enough money, we would adopt a baby from overseas and bring them to our family. His plan sounded easy enough, and I had no objection. So, our plan was to eventually adopt in our “perfect” time, and my husband would see to it that this plan was carried out.
I know so many of you are laughing at our plan and our naivety that we thought we could control our lives without so much as a hiccup. It started out, though, following the path we had planned. We welcomed our first daughter after being married a month from our four-year anniversary.
We were ecstatic and ready to begin this next step in our plan. After many complications after our daughter’s birth and a hemorrhage that almost claimed my life, we decided to hold off on a detailed plan and just be grateful for what we had right now. I underwent four surgeries in the three years after the birth of our daughter, which were not a part of our original plan, and still our doctors revealed to us the devastating blow that we would not be able to have any more biological children and a hysterectomy would be my next surgery. This was definitely not part of our expectations for our family. However, we saw this as an opportunity to jump spaces and move onto our final piece of the puzzle: Adoption.
Just because we knew this was something we wanted to do in our future, choosing adoption is still something to make sure you are truly prepared for. We entertained the thoughts of being financially or emotionally ready, but we ultimately recognized the decision to adopt not as one we had made on our own. Even back in the years prior to our marriage, God had been drawing our hearts toward the pursuit of a child that would not be ours by birth but rather through an adoption. We can look back on our lives now and see the instances where God was knitting together the details of our lives to surrender to another baby through adoption when and how He was making the plans.
Our story does not end there. After our doctors delivered the news of an impending hysterectomy, we prayed over and started the process of adoption. Home study in hand, hundreds of papers completed and turned in, fundraisers planned, and an announcement to our friends and family on Mother’s Day made the dreams of adoption reality. We were certain of the plan going forward. Until the day after our announcement was made.
With a nauseous haze and the blur of those two pink lines, the day after we announced that our adoption process was well underway, we also discovered that we were in fact two months pregnant and two weeks from a hysterectomy. Talk about waiting for the “perfect” time to adopt. Moving forward with fears of miscarriage and problems that could arise, we never felt more out of control or further from our plan than we did in the days to follow. With the support of our family and friends who heard us announce our adoption and, so closely after, our pregnancy with its added risks, our call to adoption never wavered. Our bluff had been called on the “plans” we thought were flawless for our family. We realized that love is love, and we would freely give that to our biological children, just like we would to a child who needed our family.
We continued with our adoption. We birthed another baby girl. We have already experienced a match — and then failed match — with an adoption. For us, we know now that no “perfect” time for our plans. Even for my type-A husband, he sees that matters of the heart overshadow his to-do list and worries about perfect timing. We trust that when we see our adoption to fruition, we will also be able to look back and see how the undoing of our own plans brought the joy we know will come.
Adoption, like parenting, cannot be a check off your list once you’ve read enough books or saved enough money. If you meet the requirements in your state to adopt, let nothing else hold you back from thinking there will be a more “perfect” time to pursue a love that will not worry over the perfect conditions.
Jill is a 31-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 4-year-old and 3-month-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.
