Asking an adoptee if they know who their “real parents” are is a disservice to the adoption process as a whole. Adoptive parents are “real parents,” an adopted child has two sets of parents, biological and adoptive, and both are important to the child’s life.

What you say matters, even more so when speaking about something with as big of an impact as adoption.

Using adoption-positive, and accurate, language is important to not only stop the misconceptions of adoption but also to educate those who may not know about adoption.

Adoption-positive language changes and evolves with the times. Your point of view about your adoption experience is never wrong, but here are some examples of verbiage that can convey what you’ve experienced:

  • Real/Natural parent = Birth/Biological parent
  • Own child = Child
  • Adoptive parent = Parent
  • Adopted child = Child
  • Adoptee = Person who was adopted
  • Is adopted = Was adopted
  • Give away/Put up = Choose adoption/Place for adoption
  • To keep the child = To parent the child
  • Illegitimate = Born to unmarried parents
  • Adoptable child  = Waiting child

Using phrases like “real mom” or “real dad” is an affront to the “real” parents currently taking care of the child.

That is by no means a reflection of the biological parents; it’s just a disservice to the compassion, empathy and strength of the adoptive parents that have decided to raise the child as one of their own.

Being asked about a child’s “real parents” vs. the adoption-positive language of “birth parents” can reinforce the negative stereotype that adoptive parents are not real parents.

Using adoption-positive language is beneficial for adoptees because it helps give them a positive self-image from a young age. Verbiage like “giving away” a child couldn’t be further from the truth. Adoption is a deeply personal decision that only a birth parent can make.

Choosing adoption means:

  • A loving family for a baby
  • A brighter future for the birth mother and baby
  • A life of opportunity

Adoption is different for everyone, and adoption-positive language reinforces acceptance and understanding for everyone involved.

Using adoption-positive language is so important because if you aren’t connected to the adoption process, there can be a lack of understanding because of outdated language. The negative connotation with some of these terms is not only outdated but also offensive to those involved with this life-changing journey.

Adoption is beautiful, and it should be treated that way.