My husband and I called our pastor about a year ago and asked if we could meet with him to discuss our plans to adopt. He had supported us and offered prayers and encouragement as we had been through medical issues for the past three years that had led us to this day. He had been at the hospital when I almost lost my life after the birth of our first daughter when I hemorrhaged severely. When I had surgery after surgery after surgery over the next few years, he stayed positive in knowing that God had a special plan for our lives, even though it didn’t seem to be turning out the way we had planned.
We sat in his office that day sharing how we had our home study scheduled and had begun working with an adoption consultant. Fundraisers were planned to help offset the cost of an adoption, and he listened while we shared. I’ll never forget his next words and how I responded.
“You know what happens when people start the adoption process, don’t you?”
I knew what he was referring to because several years prior, we had a couple in our own church who got matched to adopt and then found out they were pregnant. He was suggesting that I may just get pregnant as a result of our decision to adopt. That couldn’t happen, though. Not to me. Maybe to someone else, but not to us.
“You don’t understand. I’m having a hysterectomy next month. The doctors say we can’t have any more babies, so that myth won’t be true for us,” I quickly replied.
He reminded us that sometimes God has different plans for us than we think we have for ourselves, but then he expressed his excitement for what was to come. He asked us to share our news of the adoption with our church on Sunday, which would be Mother’s Day. Our desire was to bring our church family along on this journey with us and ask for their support.
Mother’s Day came and went with an unimaginable amount of encouragement from the congregation once they heard how God had called our family to adoption. We went to bed that night with a renewed anticipation of what was to come.
The very next morning, I woke up feeling nauseous and unable to eat my breakfast. I work at an elementary school, so I just assumed that I had contracted some type of stomach virus from a student. I needed to go to a store and pick up some medicine or just some crackers and Sprite to get over this sick feeling. While I was there, I knew there was no chance, but for some reason I bought an eighty-eight cent pregnancy test just to rule that out before I bought some medicine. I guess I was so sure it would be negative that I went to the bathroom right there in the store to take the test. Once it showed the negative result, I was going to finish picking up the necessities and go home. But that bathroom would be the place where my life changed.
Those two pink lines showed up and the first thing I could think of after I caught my breath was those words that our pastor had said.
“You know what happens when people start the adoption process, don’t you?”
Was I eating my words now? How could this happen? I thought he was just making a silly joke. But now the rest is history. Since that day, I have heard those words over and over in my head as a reminder that I am not in control.
The emotions we immediately felt after discovering we were pregnant ranged from fear to worry, shock to confusion, and even embarrassment. From what we already knew about my body and the chances of tragic things happening in the event of a pregnancy, fear and worry overtook our thoughts. We stood shocked at the medical impossibility in the works, but confused because we had never been more certain that God had called us to adoption at this same time. I was even beating myself up with embarrassment because just the day before we were announcing our adoption plans and how the doctors were planning a hysterectomy for me. Would people think I had deceived them?
After the initial shock left us reeling, and we felt like we had been resuscitated, the news was overwhelming, but never deterred us from knowing adoption was part of our plan too. If God was testing our obedience, we would follow. If raising virtual twins was the plan God had for our family, we wanted to be trust His timing. This was not the story we thought we would be writing, but we have seen God’s faithfulness even in the details of this process. We now have a precious and healthy five-month-old baby girl that astounded the doctors. Our adoption is still in the works. Our family will never be the same. My husband and I are so sure of the calling that God has placed on our lives to adopt. We also believe that God had a special purpose for our story when he brought us a baby when we were told it wouldn’t happen. Being available for what is to come next will be our plan now. Bringing a baby home through adoption will happen in the timing that God desires, and we will be ready when that day comes.
Our pastor only meant love when he said those words to us over a year ago. However, for many adoptive families, statements like that, comments made about an infertility issue or about stressing too much over trying to get pregnant, or giving unsolicited advice are all ways to potentially cause an avoidable offense — even when someone is trying to cheer a couple up. The sensitivity with which we speak with families or about families who may be trying to conceive or going through the adoption process, or a mom deciding to give her child to an adoptive family, should be given extra thought and utmost respect. Every family is different; therefore, every situation is unique. Listen to a family who may be struggling or just in limbo of making a decision regarding their family’s future. The beauty in bringing a child into your family through birth or adoption cannot get any sweeter. Let’s learn to better support and encourage those around us, no matter what stage they are in or what method they use to grow their family.
Yes, we know that sometimes when a couple chooses to adopt, there’s a chance they could also become pregnant as they wait. That statistic now applies to us, and we were uncertain of the timing. We also know that this is not the case for many other adoptive families. Our story is definitely unique, but we are learning more and more gratefulness throughout the pages as they are written. We are excited to see what more we will be able to share when another baby is added to our family.
Stay tuned…
Jill is a 31-year-old wife and mom. She has been married to her husband, Brannon, for eight years and has 4-year-old and 3-month-old daughters. Jill and her husband are currently in the adoption process to bring another baby into their home. Jill lives in a small community in Kentucky. She has her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Spanish and obtained her Master’s degree in Christian Ministries. Jill’s passions are her faith, her family, writing, playing sports, and eating good food.
