This blog was written by Allison Olson. Being both an adoptee and an adoptive parent, Allison Olson has a unique perspective on the topic of adoption. She is an award-winning children’s adoption book author and her goal is to change the adoption narrative from the “lucky” child to the “loved” child. Allison lives in Oregon with her husband, two daughters, and their kitties named Bo and Aero.
The holiday season can bring festive lights, delicious food, and special time with family. It can also put you in conversations with extended family or friends that might be uncomfortable around the topic of “when you will add a child to your family.”
People tend to not mean anything negative by these comments, but curiosity and excitement can sometimes come across as nosy and pushy — especially if you have gone through years of infertility and/or an adoption disruption.
Navigating these conversations at holiday events can be stressful. Here are a few tips for getting through the Holidays while waiting for adoption.
Tips for Managing Tough Conversations Over the Holidays
1. Mentally Prepare Beforehand
Before attending a holiday event, make a list of the positive things happening in your life that you are thankful for. This is known as gratitude journaling. It can help your brain to be better prepared for tough conversations if you’re centered on everything in your world that you are grateful for.
2. Focus on the Positive
Focus your conversations at holiday events on positive topics that you feel ready to discuss. This can range from topics not related to adoption, like the latest movie you’ve seen, or adoption-related topics that you feel comfortable discussing like nursery items, profile updates, or even future holiday traditions you are hoping to start after adoption placement and finalization.
3. Change the Topic of Conversation
If you are feeling overwhelmed by questions or just wanting to talk about something else, changing the topic of conversation could be the best bet. Sometimes it’s difficult to do. Find a common topic that is general and comfortable.
Sometimes just focusing on things around you can help. Meaning if football is on TV, start talking about the game or if you see Christmas decorations, asking the other person their favorite Christmas decorations or traditions. Any change in conversation can really help to take the pressure off, even if the same topic comes up later.
4. Stay a Strong Team
If you are partnered, plan out a rescue mission or escape route in advance. If you are single, team up with a sibling or cousin that could be your support. Work together to make sure that neither of you are stuck in an uncomfortable conversation. Come up with a signal to each other to help by interrupting a conversation or even making an excuse to leave a holiday event early.
5. Do What’s Best for Your Mental Health
Sometimes when you are not feeling up for being around others, know that you do not have to go. We often feel like we “have to” go to holiday events, but this author is giving you permission to skip it if you feel it could be too much for you right now with everything you are emotionally going through.
6. Leave Early
If after trying the tips above you still can’t escape these types of conversations, just excuse yourself and leave. Give yourself some grace during this holiday season to not feel like you need to answer questions you don’t want to.
7. Plan Something Fun
Plan something fun for yourself whether it be a vacation, massage, or a showing of the Nutcracker. When you have something fun to look forward to during the holiday season, it can make these events easier to manage. Perhaps even plan something fun for the day after a holiday event.
Learn more about the author:
Website: www.ouradoptionbooks.com
Social Media: @kidsbooksbyallisonolson (Facebook, Instagram, TikTok)
