We put so much pressure on ourselves to have Hallmark holidays, every moment worthy of Kodak. And in such a frenzied season, it’s no wonder things can get stressful. No matter where you are in your adoption journey, here are some ways to beat the holiday blues:

Waiting couples can find the holiday season especially difficult because of the constant reminders of family life.

  • Don’t beat yourself up. Your feelings of jealousy, frustration or sadness are natural. Removing yourself from tense situations with nosy relatives might make you feel better, but it’s important not to isolate yourself.
  • Pick and choose holiday gatherings to attend. Or set guidelines for yourself, like arriving late and leaving early.
  • Communicate with your spouse, family and friends. If seeing your cousin with her new baby will be difficult, ask if she’ll be in attendance. If you think someone might be making a pregnancy announcement, ask them to share that information with you privately ahead of time so that you can digest the news.
  • Prepare a canned answer about your adoption process. Then practice it. And remember that most people who ask do so because they care.
  • Do something nice for yourself or your spouse. Or make homemade gifts for the ones you love. You may not have the luxury of that kind of time with a newborn.
  • Give your time or resources to a charitable cause. It will help put into perspective all the blessings you have already.
  • Take care of yourself. Make sure you’re sleeping, eating, exercising and staying healthy.
  • Start a new tradition. Maybe this is a good year to take a holiday cruise and spend some time together as a couple.

It’s your first year with your adopted infant. You’ve been imagining this holiday season for you don’t know how long, but take it slow.

  • Remember that first year that you and your spouse had to juggle the holiday season with both sides of your family. It’s going to be a little like that again this year. Talk things out. Whose side of the family is more kid-friendly for Christmas or Hanukkah? What were your favorite traditions growing up that you’ve been dying to recreate? Traditions carry different weight for different people, so get on the same page.
  • Help make the holidays a sensory experience for your baby. Play with  jingle bells, look at the lights, smell and feel a pine tree.
  • Think about staying home. Newborns can be easy to travel with (as long as you’ve got room and arms to travel with the whole kit and caboodle). But toddlers are tougher, and you might set a precedent for travel.
  • Reach out to your child’s birth parents. Firsts are especially tough, so if you have a relationship with your child’s birth parents, start a special tradition, like a phone call New Year’s Day.

Older adopted children may get a little over-excited during the holidays and crash hard at the end of the day. But can you blame them? There’s presents and cookies and parties at school to be had.

  • Be prepared to talk with your child about his or her adoption. Hearing the Christmas story and spending time with unfamiliar extended relatives may cause your children to think and wonder about their birth parents. This is also a great time to have a special tradition to contact or honor birth parents.
  • Prep your kids with expectations for manners before you arrive at a family gathering. That might mean making a reasonable gift wishlist, talking about how to accept unwanted gifts or setting a time requirement for sitting at the table during Christmas dinner.
  • Anticipate sensory overload. Too much sugar or unfamiliar faces and places can lead to an exhausted tyke and maybe even a less than jolly temper tantrum. Create an exit strategy with your spouse, or plan a quiet activity for after the gathering.
  • Fill the holidays with meaning and memory. Whether you’re religious or not, the holidays are great times to bond with your children. A simple tradition, like reading The Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve, could have a lasting impact.

And don’t forget yourself. Adoptive parents, like all parents, want to give the best to their children. But make sure you look after yourself during the holiday season.

  • Don’t try to be Martha. Beautiful decorations are not always the most kid-friendly decorations. The same goes for food. No-fuss spreads and decor can be just as welcoming for guests.
  • Embrace help. Share childcare shifts with friends so you can shop without the stroller or clean the house before the in-laws arrive.
  • Keep good contact with your child’s birth parents all year so that they don’t hang on the holidays. If your relationship is more open, try to find a special time to talk.
  • Take a time-out. When the kids are in bed, sit back and enjoy the holiday feeling.

And most important, remember that it’s ok if the holidays aren’t perfect. It’s part of being human. For more resources and tips on having a stress-free holiday season, check out AdoptiveFamilies.com, CreatingAFamily.org and Parents.com!