Q & A with Laurie
Hello everyone, my name is Laurie Walker, and I am an Adoptive Family Specialist with American Adoptions. I have worked with many birth mothers and adoptive families in my time here at American Adoptions and love being able to watch families form through adoption.
Q. We are trying to prepare for travel, knowing that when we get the call, we may have to travel at a moment’s notice. I am fully ready for this but we do have concerns because my husband’s job is very demanding and hard for him to get away. When we get the call, I’m worried my husband won’t be able to get off of work when the baby is born. Can I go by myself? Or, can I go by myself first and have him follow me down there a day or two later?
A. The reason you may get the call and have to travel very quickly is that you may get an adoption opportunity with a birth mother who is due to deliver any moment or you may get an opportunity with a birth mother who has already had the baby. Obviously these situations are rare but they require you to think fast and be very flexible because there is not a lot of time for planning. Further, even if you are presemted with an adoption opportunity with a birth mother and know her due date, it will still be impossible to plan ahead completely because you will not travel until she is in active labor or a cesarean section or induction is scheduled and there is no way to know if she will deliver early. If the birth mother delivered a month early, which can happen, we’d expect you to travel and be to the hospital within 24 hours of hearing this news from our agency. Also, there is no way to know if she’ll deliver late. Because due dates are often inaccurate, we do not want a family to fly out based solely on the due date and then wind u p waiting around for several days to weeks before the baby is even born.
We expect every family to travel and be to the hospital within 24 hours of receiving the call from our agency that it is time to do so. Your Adoption Specialists will give you direction and feedback/advice based on the particular needs and desires of the birth parent(s). It is usually within your best interest to arrive as soon as possible because the birth parents take comfort knowing that you are there with the baby, knowing that this is your #1 priority and knowing that they can begin getting to know you better. If your birth mother desires this type of contact with you, it is crucial that you both arrive as soon as possible.
There have been RARE circumstances where one adoptive parent has been able to travel immediately and the other adoptive parent has had to follow on a later flight. These things can be acceptable with certain situations especially if your birth mother is aware that this is the plan. However, whichever one of you is taking the later fight needs to get to the hospital ASAP. It would not be acceptable to arrive 48 hours later as often that means the entire hospital experience would have been missed out on by that adoptive parent and the birth mother might not see this adoption as a priority to both parents. This can have a direct negative effect on the birth mother’s commitment level to the adoption plan and might make her second guess her decision to choose adoption altogether and result in a disrupted adoption.
Both adoptive parents should be present the entire time together because the birth mother needs to know that you are both committed to her baby and that you are both excited and overjoyed. Your husband will be able to provide an element of support and security to the birth mother that you cannot and it’s important for her to see this as an adoption with both a mother and a father for the child, so it is important that she sees him as being just as involved as you. She picked you both because she envisioned her child having two equally involved and supportive parents; maybe she cannot provide this to her child because the birth father is unknown or not a good guy. So, it is imperative that you live up to the reasons she selected you both. If, when you get your adoption opportunity call, you are still concerned about the travel arrangements for your husband, you will need to begin planning and discussing this with your Adoption Specialists so they can assist you.
